An Apology... of sorts...

I feel like I need to make an apology for my recent crashout and rejecting my place in a social group I had belonged to. This group was something I loved being a part of, and the people that are in it. I had thought I had a place among them, until I didn’t. I had been lately feeling as though my presence was unwanted. I don’t understand why, as I strive to be engaging and friendly to everyone (even to those who seem perpetually miserable). Maybe it’s just my anxiety and paranoia that made me feel that way, or the massive depressive episode I’ve been going through in the last couple of months… I don’t know. Needless to say, I felt that I was going to pull away a little and find another group to chit chat with periodically throughout the day.

Well… the decision was made hastily and in anger… but I left. Probably not on good terms, but oh well, not like I particularly want to go back to that group only to feel like an outsider again.

Which brings me to the why of the leaving.

I was having a particularly frustrating day before a long holiday weekend, and had taken a break from working to blow off steam with the group and express some of the frustration I was feeling in the hopes someone would have something silly or positive to say to bring me back down from the emotional walls I was climbing. Instead, I found misery. In my expressing of frustrations I made some (jokingly) bad generalizations. For those who know me, this is usually my way of releasing emotional pressure, and not indicative of my core being. I love everyone, and I strive to not hold biases or predjudices against any group or person. It’s not how I was raised, and it’s not the person I continually strive to become.

That all being said, I do apologize for any offense made to either of the two people that had pointed out my mistake, and while I would have appreciated a more positive way of handling it from their perspective, I get it. So, I’m sorry. I’m also sorry I left, but in reality that decision was already in the works - the incident just made it happen sooner than I had planned.

Moving forward, I’m just going to keep to myself. I won’t rejoin, because I honestly don’t want to unintentionally hurt anyone else. I don’t think I was made for being social, and that’s something I guess I’ll have to live with.

At any rate, I’m sorry to have upset or disappointed anyone. It won’t happen again.