Moving ahead...

So, now that I’ve sworn off (at least temporarily) my means of expressing thoughts and feelings to the world, and anyone who would care to know… I guess I need to start doing to more over here.

It’s a Sunday morning. Today’s the last performance of the show I have been in the pit for, and while I’m glad for the stress of it to be over - I am going to miss it. I love the people I’ve been playing for, they’ve all be so nice. I honestly hope they will think of me for next year’s production, because I’d happily do the gig. It’s nice playing for people that appreciate it - mistakes and all.

I finally met the person that I expressed my feelings to. It was tough to get a read on them, but I think it went well. They are so beautiful and kind. I hope that we can build a deep and long-lasting friendship. We met at what was probably not the greatest place to walk and talk, but it was convenient as we were both headed north along 95. As we were talking they said something that has stuck in my mind since our meeting… “embrace the chaos.” It really jarred something loose in my mind.

For my entire life, I’ve struggled for control. Maybe it’s because of the AuDHD shit. I’ve been trying to let go for a while now, but I feel like the universe has sent me a message that it’s time to really let go. That’s going to be hard, but I feel like my friend may be able to help me with that. I don’t know. I do know that I have love in my heart for this wonderful creature, and that I feel safe with them. Perhaps this is the start of something good for me. I feel like it might be.

Despite the crashout I had this week on my Bluesky, I am happy. I feel like my life is starting to take its new shape.

I have love in my life - it’s not exactly how I wanted it, but it is love. I hope to find what I’m looking for - if it’s with my friend, or someone else, although I really want it with them.

As for what I’ll write about moving forward… it’ll be a mix between these kinds of stream-of-consciousness things and maybe more structured and thought-out pieces. We’ll see how it goes.

I have hope for the future, no matter what it might look like… I’m ready for the ride.